Officer Command O’ The Week:

“Drop the fishing pole!”

Famous Last Words O’ The Week:

“Man, fuck you! I’m not going to jail, I’m staying right here!”

A downtown resident reported two neighboring college students had peed on his bushes. The young men were told to mind their manners, but after the third call in a few hours, the young men were carted off. “Watch my parents get me out of this,” one said. “This is hilarious. My lawyer is going to have all your asses.” The other one told police that his parents were both NYPD officers and that his uncle was a specific high-ranking local law enforcement official. The first ended up in the drunk tank and the second was screaming for his uncle all night. That’s what happens when there’s no O.C. for these teens to live vicariously through. Thanks, Fox.

An underage drinker booked for public drunkenness said, “I didn’t know Charleston city cops were such douchebags.” When told he should take his arrest seriously, the kid replied, “I’ve got a 3.8 GPA. They won’t do shit to me.” You know, we should change the drinking age from 21 to however old you are when you stop using your GPA as a sign of intelligence.

Threat O’ The Week:

“I don’t want to have to come back and leave you for dead.”

Graffiti found in front of a downtown record store, and later at the other four corners of the intersection, had a nuclear symbol, along with the date “10.23.07.” Investigators looked in the record shop and found the same drawing and date on a poster advertising a release for a new album. You can’t spend those record royalties in prison, gangsta.

After School Special Moment O’ The Week:

Shoeless 16-year-old admitting to parents in the CPD lobby that he smoked marijuana.

A Florida man visiting Charleston with a lady friend reported that she had taken his car. He said he couldn’t remember if her name was Brittany (withheld) or Sophia (entirely different last name). He said they only knew each other for three weeks. Woman rocks your world for three weeks, brings you to Charleston, and takes your only means of leaving? Just say thank you and call it a day.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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