Blotter O’ The Week:

A man arrested for suspicion of drunk driving after hitting two parked cars told officers that he wasn’t drunk. He then told officers he had to use the bathroom and said that he was “destroyed,” followed by renditions of the Citadel Alma Mater and the Cadet Prayer. Military men in uniform: Hot. Military men falling apart at a crime scene: Not hot.

Threat O’ The Week:

“I’ll take that pen and stick you with it. I did time at Richmond.”

A downtown man reported finding blood and unknown animal organs smeared on his front door for the second time. He decided to contact the police after finding that none of his friends had done it. You know, if that’s what your friends would put on your door…

Odd Theft O’ The Week:

Notary Seal Stamp

A shoplifting suspect told officers he had diplomatic immunity as “King of the United States.” Without a Burger King breakfast sandwich to offer, the cops were not convinced.

Tased Bro’ O’ The Week:

A drunk patron of an East Bay nightclub got tased three times when he wouldn’t comply with police officers during an arrest.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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