There’s gators in these here parts. Perhaps you didn’t know that. And did you know that gators got big mouths with lots and lots of scary scary teeth? Yeah, I reckon you knew that too. But did you know that those gators got it in for you? (I’m guessing they never really got over being flush down the toilet thing. And don’t even bring up the subject of those that we tossed in the john and wound up in a septic tank unless you want to see some crocodile tears.) WCBD-TV 2 ran a report a couple of days back on the dangers of gators in our backyard. Cue the ominous music.

You may have one of these signs in your neighborhood…Warning. Alligators. Don’t feed.

But think they aren’t where you live????

Look what we found.

An alligator swimming outside a Bluffton apartment complex.

Or an alligator so well known – neighbors on John’s Island called him Al.

Suzy Martin has one in her neighborhood pond in Hollywood.

Scary. But then again, not so much….

State officials and the men we spoke to say there hasn’t been a fatal alligator attack in the state of South Carolina in at least 100 years and there’s less than one attack per year in the state.

Now, you’d think that might put an end to this gator story, but nope. That ain’t the case. At the bottom of the page is a house ad from WCBD-TV 2 asking readers/viewers to get in touch with the station and tell them all about their gator troubles. The bait is dangling. Will you bite?

For just a moment forget about John Denver’s mellow gold ode to country roads. (That song’s going to be in your head all day now. Ha ha.) Country roads are often the most dangerous stretches of roadway in any county. You know this. I know this. No big shock. Apparently not. Consider this Live 5 report:

A new report from TRIP, a transportation research group in Washington D.C. says more drivers are dying on our rural roads than anywhere else in the nation.

Many of these roads are right here in our area.

In Charleston County 2 roads are on the top ten list: Route 54 which is Chisolm and River Road, and Route 20 which is Main, Bohicket, and Betsy Kerrison.

(Editor’s note: The wording of the report is slightly different on the video. That said, pay attention to how the anchor emphasizes the words “the deadliest.” Better than Vincent Price.)

Well, it looks like the state Senate is going to pass an immigration reform bill, and Sen. Glenn McConnell is none too happy about, according to a Post and Courier report. Why? Apparently, it’s as toothless as WCBD-TV 2’s report on the threat of alligators to Lowcountry residents. Who’s to blame for all the teeth pulling?

The real problem was political pressure from special-interest groups, McConnell and Campsen said. Still, the two said the Senate improved on the reform bill as passed by the House in late January. The next stop for the bill is a conference committee, provided the House insists on its version, which is expected. Conference is where the legislators will reach final accord.

Ah, the special interest bogeyman. Quick question: Which special interest group are we talking about here because neither McConnell or Campsen or the P&C ever says? Heck, it could be anybody, from the South Carolina Chamber of Commerce to South Carolinians Against Filling Out W2 Forms to Citizens For Lax Immigration Laws—South Carolina Branch to the men and women of the South Carolina Slumber Party, a largely mythical and entirely fictional group dedicated to bringing mandatory two-hour siestas to the workplace. (I don’t think it’s the later because, truth be told, I’m in tight with the leader, who is in all actuality, me. Wake up, America. We want you to sleep.)

Is a dog park in Mt. P a good idea? The P&C’s David Quick seems to think so.

Officials take great pride in having one of the top-ranked recreation departments in the state, but in a town with about 60,000 people and a land mass of 42 square miles, guess how many dog parks they have? None. (The Charleston County Park and Recreation Commission provides one at Palmetto Islands County Park.) Guess how many other dog parks, besides the one designated at the waterfront park, are in the works? None.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.