Historical Threat O’ The Week:

A West Ashley woman has reported receiving mysterious historical books, pictures, and poetry of a late-16th Century Englishman. Another example of a foreigner taking an American job.

Drunk Request O’ The Week: “I know I am a piece of shit, and I should not have been driving, but can I take a piss?”

A strip club customer reported an assault when he woke up the next morning missing his two front teeth. He says that he doesn’t remember much of the night. We’re pretty sure what he wants for Christmas.

An officer tried to wake a man who had fallen asleep behind the wheel. He ended up startling the man, who pulled his foot off the brakes when he woke up, sending the car rolling down the street. The officer jogged alongside the car, banging on the window for the man to stop the car. Once the car was stopped, the officer asked how much the man had been drinking that night. “A couple beers,” he said. The officer then asked how big the beers were, to which the man responded, “No.” During the tests for suspected DUI, the man was asked to recite his alphabet. “C,D … C,D,E … C,D,S … I dunno.”

Items Stolen This Week: One iPod, one GPS unit, one bike, and one laptop.

A man pulled over for suspected drug activity gave officers permission to search his car, but was surprised when officers began looking through the trunk.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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