Blotter O’
The Week:

A man who was refused service for walking up to a drive-thru kicked the speaker box several times and tried to flee the scene. And we thought getting out of our cars and going green was to be rewarded.

Items Stolen This Week: Seven GPS units, three bikes, and two iPods.

Unfortunate Statement O’ The Week: “I need to call my mom before I blow the school up.”

After a background check, a landlord told a prospective tenant that she wasn’t going to approve the lease and asked the woman to return a key she’d been given. The landlord later accused the woman of going into the apartment and painting black streaks on the walls and dripping paint on the floors, causing $2,500 in damage. But the good news is that the place is ripe for a visit from Ty Pennington and the gang at Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

A 21-year-old arrested for disorderly conduct, whose last name is not Gates, told officers, “My dad owns Microsoft … I can’t wait for my lawyer to sue the shit out of you.”

Downtown hotel employees reported that a man tried to check in parts to a BMW car and a sham cloth “as one would check luggage.”

A woman claiming assault said that she was “attacked by little people from the fictional movie Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.” Oh, great. Another tired ’80s remake.

The victim of a downtown assault told officers that he was hit with an unknown object, “possibly a brick, bottle, or bat.” Or maybe it was a book, boomerang, or Britney Spears.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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