Blotter O’ The Week:

The manager of a downtown business contacted police when two people were caught buck naked and getting busy out behind the company’s dumpster, all in view of employees and passers-by. When police apprehended the subjects, the man allegedly said he had paid the woman for a blowjob, but the two of them decided to “let it go all the way.”

Text Threat O’ The Week: “I got girls who can kick your ass.”

Officers stopped a car driving backwards on a downtown street as the driver was arguing with another man who was walking toward the car. The driver told police that he was on his way to a funeral and that he was not fighting. The driver was eventually charged with possession of cocaine. Meanwhile, a passenger in the car began yelling obscenities, saying, “You racist redneck, cracker, motherfucker, wait ’til Obama hears about this.” He continued yelling obscenities as a horse carriage full of tourists passed by. He was arrested for disorderly conduct.

Weapon O’ The Week: A hot iron

Patrol officers found a local pizzeria employee chasing another man down an alley. The employee said the man got upset over the price of a pizza and threw a chair against the wall. To avoid this in the future, we’d suggest the pizzeria invest in booths — much harder to throw.

Items Stolen This Week: 11 GPS units and an iPod

A downtown resident reported finding 12 place settings of silverware missing from a hidden drawer — which, we can probably just call “a drawer” at this point.

Quote O’ the Week: “If you’re gonna be a dick, be a better one than me.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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