Blotter O’ The Week:

The manager of a downtown business contacted police when two people were caught buck naked and getting busy out behind the company’s dumpster, all in view of employees and passers-by. When police apprehended the subjects, the man allegedly said he had paid the woman for a blowjob, but the two of them decided to “let it go all the way.”

Text Threat O’ The Week: “I got girls who can kick your ass.”

Officers stopped a car driving backwards on a downtown street as the driver was arguing with another man who was walking toward the car. The driver told police that he was on his way to a funeral and that he was not fighting. The driver was eventually charged with possession of cocaine. Meanwhile, a passenger in the car began yelling obscenities, saying, “You racist redneck, cracker, motherfucker, wait ’til Obama hears about this.” He continued yelling obscenities as a horse carriage full of tourists passed by. He was arrested for disorderly conduct.

Weapon O’ The Week: A hot iron

Patrol officers found a local pizzeria employee chasing another man down an alley. The employee said the man got upset over the price of a pizza and threw a chair against the wall. To avoid this in the future, we’d suggest the pizzeria invest in booths — much harder to throw.

Items Stolen This Week: 11 GPS units and an iPod

A downtown resident reported finding 12 place settings of silverware missing from a hidden drawer — which, we can probably just call “a drawer” at this point.

Quote O’ the Week: “If you’re gonna be a dick, be a better one than me.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.