BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Arrested for disorderly conduct when he tried to start a fight, an allegedly drunk 18-year-old told officers, “I hope you motherfuckers have a lot of money because my parents do and they’re going to own your ass.” Apparently, Richie Rich still needs a few lessons on the art of negotiation.

Famous last words on a second-floor balcony before breaking both wrists: “Wouldn’t it suck to fall from here? Watch this.”

Items Stolen This Week: Five laptops, three GPS units, and three iPods

A man stumbling around after he got kicked out of a Market Street bar told officers, “I’ve never been in Greenville before tonight.” And to think we doubted the value of a GPS system.

Halloween horrors literally struck one reveler. The victim claims he was standing in the hallway of a friend’s apartment when he noted someone’s costume, saying, “Oh, you are a nurse for Halloween.” The unidentified suspect, who must not have been a nurse for Halloween, proceeded to punch the victim in the face before fleeing the scene.

Quote O’ The Week: Charged with illegal possession of prescription drugs, a man pleaded with officers, “Those are just Cialis, man. I use them for my girlfriend. Come on man!”

Two unknown suspects appear to have snuck into a local elementary school through the roof. Once inside, it’s alleged that they ate a box of cookies and apples from the art supply closet and pooped in the box.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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