Columbia has the state capitol, a zoo, and (slightly) cheaper airfare. But everything else that you might find in the centrally located metropolitan hub can be found right here in the Holy City. That may include our fair share of murders, corrupt politicians, and tabloid drama, but we’ve got sweetgrass baskets, too!

1. The heat. It’s a summertime complaint in both cities, but Columbia’s heat is more like an armpit than a sauna. And it lacks the ocean breeze that the Lowcounty offers when you’re not even looking for it.

2. The ocean. You know what passes for the beach in Columbia? A rocky riverfront park.

3. The food. Great chefs not only find a start in Charleston, they don’t want to leave.

4. The drinking. The Holy City and Cola-town have equally lively nightlife scenes, but just do a head count at Sunday brunch in Charleston and you’ll know who partied hardest.

5. Porches. This one comes directly from President Barack Obama. You don’t like it, talk to him.

6. Hot people. Our academic bodies stick around for the summer, and they bring in all their USC and Clemson pals, too.

7. Fewer assholes. They’ve got Jake “raghead” Knotts and Joe “You Lie” Wilson. We had André Bauer, but he left. And Gov. Mark Sanford is more likely to live in Argentina than along our shores.

8. Cocks vs. coke. All we’re going to say is former state Treasurer Thomas Ravenel may have been working in Columbia, but he was doing his partying in Charleston.

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