BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Paintball equipment and a mattress were stolen from an apartment.

Threat O’ The Week: “I’m going to kill you bitch for talking about my baby like that.”

Seven newspaper boxes were stolen over a two-day period. Each was valued at $400, not including the change in the box. Considering the decline in daily readership, we’d put that estimate at about 75 cents, a buffalo nickel, and a used button.

Found Item O’ The Week: A Playstation 3 in a trash can.

A man accidentally shot his nephew when the younger man complained the gun wasn’t working right and asked his uncle to take a look. Turns out it works fine.

Items Stolen This Week: Two GPS units and an iPod

Asked what time it was, a man told officers, “It’s still daylight out, the liquor stores are still open — I’m going with 4.” It was 7 p.m. Asked what day it was, he said, “Well yesterday was Father’s Day, so today is Monday.” It was Tuesday.

Drunk Quote O’ The Week: A man arrested for disorderly conduct told police, “Man I fucking hate you fucking black ass white devil police! All you want to do is mess with us drunk people!”

A man arrested for trespassing and disorderly conduct busted into a man’s house, claiming that the Klan was after him because of his recent promotion at work and that he was working with President Barack Obama, who was in town to present him with an award.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.