BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Witnesses contacted police about an elderly man with an umbrella “sword fighting” on Meeting Street. Sir, it really doesn’t work unless you put your rain cap on your shoulder like a parrot.

Downtown residents were awakened by a shirtless stranger standing in their apartment, yelling “Boo!” This is what happens when Harry Potter leaves the invisibility cloak at home.

Blunt Instrument O’ The Week: A 1-gallon jug of bleach.

Asked where he lived, a man suspected of public drunkenness told police, “Anywhere that you can take me.”

Drunk O’ The Week: After handing officers his debit card as identification, a young man began screaming at pedestrians that he was being arrested. Charged with disorderly conduct, the suspect told officers, “I’m 24 and I’ve only had nine or 10 beers!”

Amendment O’ The Week: Asked for ID, a 20-year-old told officers, “I plead the fourth.” Asked if he knew the legal drinking age, the young man said, “I plead the fourth.”

An officer was questioning the victim in an alleged assault when the suspect called the woman’s cell phone. The officer answered and said he overheard two women talking, apparently unaware the call had been made. “As many times as I hit her, that bitch better have a concussion.”

Items Stolen This Week: Four bikes, an iPod, two GPS units, and a set of Apple headphones.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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