Blotter o’ the Week: A woman and her boyfriend decided to climb up onstage at a strip club. When a bouncer tried to make them come down, the woman hit the bouncer and another onlooker in the face.

A woman was stretching in her driveway one morning when a man rode his bicycle down her driveway carrying six fishing rods he had stolen from her shed. When she asked the man what he was doing, he said, “Going fishing.”

Stolen From Homes This Week: A Blu-Ray player, a 42-inch TV, two flat-screen TVs, a tube TV, a jewelry box, some costume jewelry, four laptop computers, two cell phones, two watches, two diamond rings, a gold ring with sapphires, a pearl necklace, a backpack, a guitar amplifier, a Fender Stratocaster electric guitar, and a refrigerator.

Somebody broke the window on a car and stole, among other things, a Bible, a devotional book, a pair of Toms shoes, a hair straightener, some lotions, and a Seattle Seahawks T-shirt.

A man walked into a convenience store bathroom one afternoon, shot up some heroin, and stayed kneeling on the bathroom floor until a police officer dragged him out.

An intoxicated man told police that someone had stolen a laptop computer from his hotel room. He told the cops that he had a “female friend” from downtown up to his room from 10 to 11:30 p.m. (hotel staff said she was a prostitute), but that he was certain the laptop was still in the room after the woman left. Later, at 2:30 a.m., he says he was awoken by a man standing in the doorway, who said, “Are you sure you did not order something from downstairs?” and then left with the laptop.

A driver rolled down his window and said to an officer, “Hey, I don’t want to get involved, but that guy back there at the intersection was just screaming at me to give him money.”

Somebody stole a pressure washer from the parking lot of a fast food restaurant.

Shoplifting Haul o’ the Week: A cell phone, some clothes, two Easy Bake ovens, and a Hello Kitty karaoke system.

An employee at a medical center stole some vials of Dilaudid, a heavy-duty narcotic painkiller, and injected them in herself. When all of the employees were forced to give urine samples for a drug test, the employee — a pregnant woman — provided a cup of pee that was suspiciously low-temperatured and that showed no signs of pregnancy.

A man walked into a convenience store on New Year’s Eve and shoplifted a tall boy of beer, a bottle of spiked sweet tea, and two packs of cigarettes. Dude was ready to party.

Wrong Response o’ the Week: When police checked on a man who was lying on the sidewalk beside his bicycle, the man said, “If I could, I would punch you right now.” He was arrested on a charge of public intoxication.

A police officer saw a man stumbling down the sidewalk in his socks, carrying a single shoe in his hand and trying to prop himself up on trash cans until he fell over. When the cop asked the man what happened to his other shoe, he replied, “That’s a good question.” While waiting for police to come check him out, the man told the officer, “I want your ummmm…” The officer asked what the man wanted, and he smiled and rocked back and forth.

When cops busted an underage drinker for using a fake ID, he handed over the license and said, “You can have it. You can keep it. It’s nothing.” He said he’d bought it from an off-campus source near the College of Charleston for $100.

Somebody shoplifted five packs of steak worth $110 and got caught hiding them in his jacket pocket. This was his fourth time getting caught shoplifting, so apparently he was going for the good stuff.

Weapon o’ the Week: A cigarette lighter, thrown at the face.

A police officer saw several young adults and juveniles shooting fireworks at each other in the street. When he told them to cut it out, one of them dutifully handed over the fireworks while the rest ran away to their homes.

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