Iconoclast o’ the Week: After receiving a report that someone had broken the head off a statue in front of a church, police stopped a man nearby who had a sledgehammer in his backpack. When asked if he knew anything about the decapitated statue, the man said, “I think I used a sledgehammer to strike that statue about six or seven times, because the second or first commandment states to not make an image of a male or female to be on display to the public.”

A trucker drove a semi into the side of a City Market building, doing an estimated $10,000 worth of damage. Give us the good ol’ days when folks just crashed runaway horses into the Market!

A taxi driver found a woman lying down on the side of the street with her legs scratched and covered in gravel. She couldn’t remember where she had been drinking that night, and she couldn’t remember her home address, only that she lived “somewhere on James Island.” A police officer arrived and asked the woman if she had a place to stay or money for a hotel. When she said she didn’t, the officer arrested her on a public intoxication charge.

After getting drunk at a bowling alley, a man was pulled over for driving the wrong way down a one-way street and failed a sobriety test. It might have been his only strike of the evening.

Police found a man asleep in the bushes outside a grocery store with vomit on his arms and face. He said he had been out drinking at a sushi bar.

While working on his car, a man sat down in the driver’s seat with the door ajar and his leg hanging out the side. A stranger drove by and clipped the open door, temporarily pinning his foot between the door and the frame. Then the stranger yelled profanities at him and sped off.

A man wearing an eye patch got busted drinking from an open can of beer in a paper bag while sitting at a bus stop. He said a stranger had bought it for him in celebration of Father’s Day.

While strip-searching a man, an officer found a baggie containing 12.5 grams of crack cocaine nestled between the man’s upper thigh and scrotum. Just say no to ball sack crack, y’all.

A man left his car door unlocked and discovered the next morning that someone had stolen his iPad, iPhone charger, and $60 worth of change from the vehicle.

What We Learned From the Police Reports This Week: There is a $360 cleanup fee for vomiting in a cab belonging to a certain taxi company.

A shoplifter attempted to steal three hot sausages from a gas station convenience store by shoving them down her blouse.

DUI Confession o’ the Week: After being pulled over for a broken brake light and expired tags, a man told police he had consumed “14 or 15” beers at a bar. His blood alcohol content was 0.21.

A man caused a scene yelling at customers as they exited a downtown restaurant. When police arrived, the man explained he was upset that “white people” had taken over a nearby park. The park was empty at the time.

Stolen From Homes This Week: A lockbox, two diamond rings, a gold watch, two gold cross necklaces, and 10 loose diamonds.

Police stopped to talk to a woman who was rocking back and forth on the ground outside a store on James Island late at night. She said she had been drinking at a bar downtown, got split up from her roommates, and had no idea how she ended up on the island. She also said she suffered from epileptic seizures and hadn’t taken the proper dose of her medication that evening. After EMS arrived and cleared the woman medically, police arrested her on a public intoxication charge.

A woman took three oxycodone pills and a Xanax, drove her car onto the lawn in front of a TV news station, and started doing donuts in the grass. She tried to drive off when somebody saw her, but her vehicle was too damaged from hopping the curb.

A man was seen sitting on a park bench across the street from a night club wearing a long T-shirt. As people walked by, he would lift up the shirt to reveal his penis hanging out of his unzipped trousers. He was also hiding a red Solo cup under the shirt for some reason.

Jackass o’ the Week: Somebody stole a compressor from the air conditioning unit on a house. In June. In Charleston. Yep, certified jackass.

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