Blotter of the Week: A 71-year-old woman walked out into her yard to ask a woman if she could please teach her dog to poop somewhere else. According to witnesses, the woman with the dog responded by shoving the elderly woman, yelling racial epithets, and waving a bag full of dog crap in the lady’s face.

Somebody driving a U-Haul truck from Arizona allegedly crashed through a brick fence outside someone’s home and left without telling anybody.

Fifteen pounds of copper fittings were stolen from a construction site. We hope the investigation is conducted well and the perpetrator receives a fitting charge.

While trespassing on someone else’s property, a man reportedly told a police officer, “Get the fuck off my property.”

Stolen From Homes This Week: Two push lawnmowers, a blue bicycle, an extension ladder, a pistol, an oven, a dishwasher, and a sink.

When asked where she had gotten another person’s driver’s license, an underage girl at a bar said, “I found it on the ground.” What a stroke of luck.

A police report indicated that a man in a hospital was “screaming explicatives at the top of his lungs.” Well, if he was trying to explicate himself, maybe they should have listened.

While she was using the restroom at a bar, a woman took off her $6,000 diamond ring and placed it on the counter while she washed her hands. That was the last time she saw it.

College of Charleston Public Safety was notified about a young man who reeked of alcohol and was seen banging and kicking someone’s door while cursing loudly late one night. He told police he knew what street he lived on, but not the exact address. Welcome back, Cougars.

After crashing her sedan into a pickup truck and breaking the front axle, a girl wearing yoga pants was confronted by someone from a nearby apartment who heard the crash. She reportedly got out of her car and said, “I’m leaving because I don’t want to get a DUI.” When the witness asked her to stay and dialed 911, the driver reportedly said, “My parents would disown me,” locked her car doors, and ran away.

Somebody broke into a semi truck and stole the CB radio. That’s a big ol’ negatory on the hospitality in Charlie Town, Bandit.

A man told police he was drinking at a sports bar when he got in an argument with another man. His next memory was of being dropped off at an apartment complex feeling dehydrated and confused.

A cashier at a convenience store was caught on tape stealing lottery tickets. It was a gamble, and she lost.

After getting belligerently drunk and screaming at some people in a bar, a man reportedly told police, “What the fuck do you come to a bar for, except to get drunk?”

Places Where Stolen Credit Cards Were Used This Week: An auto parts store, a Chinese restaurant, an urban clothing store, a tobacco store, a corner grocery store, and a flip-flop store.

A pizza delivery guy had just made a delivery and was walking back to his car when a man and a woman pulled up in an SUV and said, “We want your pizza.” When he explained that he didn’t have any more pizza, the two strangers hit him in the head, neck, and lower back, and then drove away.

Somebody stole two electric guitars, a 16-channel mixing board, and a duffel bag full of cords and microphones from a guy’s car.

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