Blotter o’ the Week: The general manager at a barbecue joint is accused of stealing cash from daily deposits and altering register reports to hide his embezzlement. Over the course of about 10 months, he allegedly stole $40,076.98 from the business. Sounds like this little piggy got a tad greedy.

A police officer walked up to a young man who was arguing with a bouncer in front of a bar and overheard the bouncer saying, “Man, this is the second fake you’ve tried tonight. Maybe you should drop out of your frat because you are a mess.” When the cop asked the kid for his real ID, he handed it over and said, “I’m sorry, I’ll go back to my dorm. I was just trying to impress my pledge brothers.”

Stolen From Homes This Week: Ten pieces of gold jewelry worth more than $10,000, a diamond necklace, two watches, $88 in cash, a 12-gauge shotgun, an antique handgun, a washer, and a dryer.

A 17-year-old tried to shoplift a bottle of Pinot Noir by hiding it in the front of his pants. When a male cop arrived on scene, the young pee-no enthusiast repeatedly addressed him as “Ma’am.”

A police officer pulled over a man who was swerving around on his moped and asked him how much he had been drinking. The moped driver replied, “I am not answering that question.” The cop asked him to take a field sobriety test, and he replied, “I am not taking any tests.” The officer arrested him on a DUI charge.

Car Break-in o’ the Week: Somebody smashed a car window, opened the door, and made off with a $300 smartphone, a $500 tablet computer, and a $400 pair of Versace sunglasses from inside. The car next to it also had its window broken, and the thief made off with a $300 laptop computer, a $500 tablet, and a $48 carton of Marlboro Lights.

Tough Guy o’ the Week: When police asked a man at a bar if he had knocked a fellow bar patron unconscious, he replied, “Yeah, I did it.” Then he said he wanted to press charges for assault. Then he was arrested on an assault and battery charge.

Caught in the act of public urination, a man offered the following excuse to the police officer: “I’m 21.” When the officer informed the man of his charge, he said, “Oh yeah, I should have planned better.”

Somebody has been calling the phone at a big-box discount store repeatedly, asking for employees by name, and then cursing out the employee who answers the phone. In a two-and-a-half-hour period on a Friday morning, he called the store more than 100 times.

A woman tried to shoplift a Hello Kitty handbag and Hello Kitty headphones from a store.

When a cop stopped a man who was stumbling around Marion Square with a guitar and asked him if he was drunk, the man replied, “No, man, I’ve just been eating some good food.” The officer did not believe the food-coma alibi and handed the man a ticket for public drunkenness.

Somebody stole a leaf blower from a landscaping company trailer.

A hotel manager handed a master key to an employee who was supposed to take out the garbage, and the employee walked out the door with it and was never seen again. The key opens all of the door locks in the hotel, which will now have to be replaced.

Crack Cocaine Stash o’ the Week: While searching a man, police found a half-gram crack rock hidden in a makeshift pocket that the man had cut into the lining of his boxers.

A man left his car locked in an apartment complex parking lot, came back in the morning, and discovered that someone had stolen his .357 revolver, .22 pocket revolver, and 4-inch diver’s knife from the center console.

Very drunk at 7 p.m. after leaving a house party, a 20-year-old college student was seen driving an orange moped the wrong way down a one-way street. A police officer ordered him to pull over, and he kept riding for a while before dismounting and trying to run away.

Two guys with crack cocaine in their car stole $6,800 worth of wire from a construction site. When an officer pulled them over and noticed that their clothes were dirty and they seemed nervous, they said they had been out jogging near the Battery.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.