Blotter o’ the Week: A man parked his car on the street and returned to it around 3:20 a.m. to find footprints and dents on the roof and hood. According to an incident report, “The sunroof and roof were caved in as if someone was dancing or jumping on top of the car.”

A man poured a full bottle of beer into the tip jar at a bar and got kicked out. When an officer asked the man to leave the area, he repeatedly said, “I’m not doing anything, and my cousin Thomas Ravenel will get me out.” He was arrested for public disorderly conduct.

Somebody stole $1,800 worth of rebar and other steel building materials from a construction site and sold it for scrap.

While attempting to explain what provoked a fight between her and another high school student, a girl told police that she “did not call her a fake bitch, but did call her a fake.”

Stolen From Homes This Week: A bicycle, a moped, a smartphone, a purse, two credit cards, a debit card, two silver rings, two gold rings, $30 in cash, a driver’s license, three bracelet charms, three gold necklaces, a Playstation 4 and two controllers, four PS4 games, two tablet computers, an iPod, a television, a lockbox, two Fender guitars, a laptop computer, two computer monitors, and $5,000 worth of copper piping.

After twice interrupting a police officer who was dealing with an unrelated crime, a man walked out into the middle of King Street and yelled, “Fuck you, I will kick your ass.” It was unclear whom he was yelling at.

A man returned to an apartment complex that he had been banned from, only this time he was carrying a bag with 15 grams of marijuana under his armpit. An officer recognized him, stopped him, and arrested him.

A woman called the police department because a neighbor keeps putting his trash in her trash can.

Weapon o’ the Week: A woman admitted that she cut one of her houseguests in the arm with a pair of safety scissors that she was swinging around.

A witness alerted a police officer that a visibly drunk woman was trying to get into her car. The officer arrived and saw the woman leaning on the vehicle, which she had apparently vomited on. After arresting the woman, the officer noted that the woman “continuously stated that she was not a bad mom and that we [CPD officers] never let people go out downtown and have a good time.”

An underage girl used a fake ID to get into a club and then punched a fellow patron. After she was placed under arrest in the back of a police cruiser, she undid her seatbelt and banged her head against the rear windshield several times.

When a police officer showed up at a loud house party around 11:30 p.m., everyone at the party ran inside the house. The officer tried to make contact with the homeowner, but everybody was either hiding or had left out the back door, so he left a noise violation ticket on the kitchen table.

A cop was at a gas station when a mother and daughter staggered in. The mother laid her head on the counter by the cash register while the daughter stood in the middle of an aisle and swayed side to side. The officer eventually woke the mother, who paid for her purchase and walked out to her car. The officer informed the daughter that her mother was waiting outside, and she said, “I have to use the restroom before I leave,” then locked herself in the bathroom for 10 minutes. The mother then joined her in the restroom for another five minutes. The officer escorted the duo to their car and found heroin and needles in plain view.

Semantic Distinction o’ the Week: When an officer told another officer that he had found narcotics in a man’s backpack, the man piped up and said, “That’s not narcotics, that’s weed.”

A cop busted a couple having sex in the backseat of their car near the Battery. When the officer interruptus‘d their coitus, the woman stormed out saying, “Yeah, you caught us having sex, but we ain’t done nothing wrong.” The officer found 28 grams of weed in the car’s center console.

After having her phone stolen at a party, a woman tried calling the phone. A man answered and said he would give her the phone back, but only if she paid a finder’s fee. They agreed to meet at a dollar store, but the man never showed up.

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