Blotter o’ the Week: During a middle school basketball game, a father approached his son’s coach and said, “Why didn’t you put my boy in the game?” The coach replied, “Now isn’t the appropriate time to discuss this.” The next thing the coach remembers is waking up on the floor with a swollen face and a laceration on his forehead that required 10 stitches.

Somebody stole the wheels and tires off of a car that was parked behind a car dealership’s service center. Employees showed up to work in the morning and found the car on cinder blocks.

A police officer stopped a vehicle that was moving very slowly through a neighborhood. After some questioning, the driver confessed, “I was looking for heroin.” Looking for it in all the wrong places, it seems.

When an officer stopped a man to arrest him on a bench warrant, the man started shaking and said, “Are you my mother? Because I can only turn myself in to my mother. Do I have warrants?” Then he tried to run away, but some other officers caught up with the man easily and arrested him. Sounds like he tried to give ’em the ol’ Freudian slip.

When a cop stopped a man who’d been running down the sidewalk knocking pedestrians over, the man said, “What? It’s my 21st birthday; I can get drunk.”

A police officer found a man wandering around a parking garage looking for his car, stopping to repeatedly use his key fob to attempt to open someone else’s car. The officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

Somebody cut the lock on a storage container at a car dealership and stole 40 tires worth about $6,700 in all. The dealership has launched an investigation but has been unable to get any traction.

Open Containers o’ the Week: A bottle of liquor passed back and forth between two men in a park, a bottle of craft beer in the backseat of a taxicab, and a bottle of tequila in a car that had just been involved in an accident.

A taxi driver says she had a passenger one night who kept saying he wanted to drive the car and that he knew a shortcut to his friend’s house. When she refused to let the passenger drive, he attempted to open the door and jump out of the car, so the driver pulled a U-turn to let him out. The passenger then hopped out of the cab while it was stopped at an intersection and took off running, only to be caught later and detained by police on a public intoxication charge.

Palmetto Rows o’ the Week: A man told police he was sitting on the sidewalk with a friend’s son listening to music when two boys between the ages of 12 and 16 approached them and asked if they’d like to buy a palmetto rose. When he told the boys they weren’t interested, the friend’s son laughed out loud. He says this angered the two boys who had approached them, and the boys punched them in the face several times.

A man accidentally left his debit card at a doughnut shop and found out later from his bank that someone had used it to make $460 worth of purchases at a beer and wine store.

After causing a scene on a downtown sidewalk around mid-afternoon, a man admitted to police that he had stolen a woman’s sandwich and blown cigarette smoke in the face of a five-month-old child.

Hit and Run and Run o’ the Week: After rear-ending another vehicle in traffic, a man driving a minivan sped around the victim’s car and tried to drive off, but he ended up crashing head-on into a brick flower planter. He left the engine on and took off running, but he left his wallet and driver’s license behind in the vehicle.

As an officer approached a man who was peeing behind a dumpster, the man’s friend could be heard saying, “That lady cop is coming over here … She’s coming.” When the offending tinkler saw the officer, he said, “Oh man, I had to go!” and “I’m getting a ticket for peeing?”

A police officer saw a man fall down on the sidewalk several times and then run into the door of a bar he was trying to enter. When the cop asked him where he was staying, he just kept saying, “Army, South Carolina,” over and over again. The officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

A man took his car into a mechanic’s shop to get an oil change and then realized a few days later that the $20,000 gold wristwatch he’d been keeping in the center console was missing. Sounds like the time really got away from him.

A police officer watched as a man hopped onto the porch of a bar and started peeing on the wall. The man got a ticket for public urination.

A custodian at a church is accused of forging checks to himself from the church to the tune of $4,790.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.