Blotter o’ the Week: A retired firefighter was awoken one night by strange sounds in his living room. Concerned about possible intruders, the man grabbed his pistol and began searching the house. He would later discover that the noise was coming from his cat, but not before he fired off a round into the floor of his home.

A waitress is suspected of using a customer’s credit card information to purchase meals at the restaurant where she works. She was fired once her boss found out about her personal employee discount.

Employees at a department store spotted a woman removing the security tags from a vacuum cleaner and attempting to sneak it out without paying.

A man was arrested after punching his roommate who was late with paying his half of the rent.

An intoxicated man was seen stumbling down a sidewalk, bumping into trees, parking meters, and light poles. An officer followed the man into an alley and found him attempting to climb a fence. When questioned by police, the man said, “What the fuck do you want?” The answer is they wanted to write the man a citation for public intoxication.

The family of an elderly woman suspects her maid of withdrawing more than $24,000 from her checking account. The suspect allegedly withdrew the money daily in $300 increments over the course of several months.

A burglar visited a cosmetic supply store and attempted to exchange numerous items that he had stolen from a man’s home. Employees at the store were able to contact the original buyer and together they were able to identify the suspect.

Two drivers began to argue following a minor traffic collision that occurred downtown. The dispute became violent when both women attempted to leave the scene of the accident and escape into the same nearby pizza place.

A man suspects his ex-girlfriend of vandalizing his current girlfriend’s vehicle. After receiving a text message from his ex that read, “This is your final warning and shit gets real really fast,” the man found several new dents across the passenger side of his new girlfriend’s car and all four tires punctured.

A shoplifter was caught attempting to steal two packs of 9-volt batteries and a bottle of eye drops. After being stopped by store employees, the man dropped the items and fled. The suspect was later identified by his T-shirt, which read, “I’m on that next level.”

Police were called by store employees after they discovered a man had used counterfeit bills to purchase a $500 two-wheeled hoverboard. According to an incident report, the cashier did not notice the bold letters on the bills that spelled out “For motion picture use only” until after the suspect had glided out of the store.

Police stopped a man who is described by officers as being in a “seemingly perpetual state of moderate to gross intoxication,” according to an incident report. While questioning the suspect, who was seated on a sidewalk downtown, officers found that the man was enjoying his drink of choice: Sex on the Beach.

A woman reported that two of her braids had been pulled out during a physical altercation with two females in a downtown bar. It was a hair-raising experience.

A shoplifter removed a large plastic snowman, valued at $39.99, from its packaging and began to fill the box with numerous items of greater value. The suspect then resealed the box, paid the $39.99, and exited the store. The report did not mention if the shoplifter then proceeded to run here and there, all around the square, saying, “Catch me if you can.”

Two women entered an office supply store and began to use the business’s computers. After being told that customers are charged by the minute to use the computers, the women told the cashier that they were going to “kick his ass” and demanded a refund, according to an incident report.

Approximately $12,000’s worth of tires and wheels were stolen from vehicles at a car dealership.

In a move that Jerry Seinfeld would surely approve of, the manager of a downtown coffee shop asked police to remove a man who was disturbing other customers by talking very closely to them and not respecting their personal space.

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