Blotter o’ the Week: A shoplifter entered a store and filled a cooler with $700 worth of teeth-whitening strips and dog food before walking away without paying for the items. Citizens should be on the lookout for a well-fed pup with bright, pearly whites.

An officer identified a man who was reported to have shoplifted two bottles of wine from a downtown store earlier in the evening. When questioned by the officer, “The offender stared forlornly at the ground,” according to an incident report. The wine-loving wrongdoer was taken into custody and the bottles were returned to the store.

After being removed from a downtown bar, an intoxicated man was taken into custody by police. While the man was being handcuffed, he began slamming his head against the officer’s car and acted as if the officer was attacking him.

Officers located an open bottle of rum in the vehicle of a man who had just driven into a ditch. The driver told the officer that he fell asleep because he was “tired” and woke up in an ambulance, according to an incident report.

A woman received an email from her friend’s account saying that she had been mugged while traveling in England and needed someone to send her $2,000 immediately. After wiring the money, the woman received a call from her friend who said she had not been overseas and that her email account had been hacked.

A man received a call from his ex-girlfriend who said she would vandalize his car if he didn’t pay her the $100 he owed her, according to an incident report. When the man went to check on his vehicle, he found his ex trying to remove his license plate. She also poured nail polish on the rear windshield of the car and the man’s shirt before making her getaway.

Officers were approached by an intoxicated young man one evening who began asking about a friend of his. After the officers told the man they didn’t know his friend, he walked away shouting obscenities and began punching a trash can. When asked for ID, the man handed over his license, but immediately admitted that it was a fake and he was under the age of 21.

A man reported his handgun stolen several months after he first noticed it was missing. When asked why he waited so long to report the theft, the man said he “thought the handgun might have fell [sic] out somewhere on his lawn, so he had been searching his lawn with a magnet,” according to an incident report.

Eight traffic signal cabinets valued at approximately $12,000 were stolen from the vicinity of the City of Charleston’s Department of Traffic and Transportation warehouse downtown.

A woman installed video cameras around her home after several cases of vandalism. Footage turned over to police shows the woman’s neighbor entering her yard, damaging her fire pit, unscrewing her light bulbs, and otherwise tampering with her property. It’s like the old saying goes: Good surveillance systems make good neighbors.

A shoplifter was found trying to leave a store with a shopping bag filled with air fresheners, car cleaner, and headlight cleaner.

A man reported his boat stolen after leaving it in a parking lot next to several other boats that are for sale.

After a minor traffic accident, a driver told police that he had recently consumed at least five mixed drinks consisting of rum and orange juice at a nearby bar that he was unable to name.

After being busted for an open container, police asked a man why he was drinking in public. He responded, “I didn’t think I would see any of y’all around,” according to an incident report.

After being spotted downtown with several open containers, a man told an officer, “I’m just an Irish motherfucker trying to have a beer.” Luck was not on his side that evening, and he was cited for drinking in public.

An intoxicated man called 911 and asked to speak with the operator. According to an incident report, this individual has a history of calling 911 while drinking to ask police for a ride home. He was once again informed by officers that the number was for emergencies only.

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