Blotter o’ the Week: A man filled his backpack with eight cartons of cigarettes valued at $400 and made a wheezing getaway from a convenience store without paying.

Two roommates contacted police to report that a man who had been harassing them was seen trespassing around their home. When confronted by a neighbor, the trespasser said, “Tell the girl who lives here that her Canadian friends were here.” The roommates also told officers that their unwelcome visitor from the Great White North had decorated their front steps with flowers and seashells.

An officer received multiple reports from pedicab drivers after two drunken customers repeatedly refused to pay their fares. Once the officer finally tracked down the suspects, one of the men said that he had been hanging out in a public park all day, drinking with his friends.

A business manager arrived at the office one morning to find that the hood of one of the company trucks had been stolen.

A woman who lost her purse called the pizza place where it was last seen to request footage from the security cameras in the building. An employee informed her that they couldn’t access the footage because their computer mouse was broken.

A man was riding his bike downtown when he was allegedly almost struck by a passing vehicle. The cyclist followed the driver and stopped alongside the car at the next red light. In what proved to be a mistake, he knocked on the car window to ask the man why he was driving recklessly. It was at this point that the driver exited the car and punched the cyclist in the face, according to an incident report.

A cab driver picked up an intoxicated man from a downtown bar and transported him to his home, at which time the man stated that he didn’t have any cash to pay his fare. The driver then drove the man to an ATM to make a withdrawal. The penniless passenger refused to exit the cab on his own and had vomited in the backseat of the cab during his ride. After the man finally summoned the strength to stand, he ran off into the night without paying.

During her first week of working at a convenience store, a new employee was repeatedly spotted on surveillance footage scratching off lottery tickets during her shift without paying. According to an incident report, the employee has yet to be confronted about the thefts, but she has already racked up at least $150 in stolen lottery tickets. Maybe her winnings can tide her over while she looks for a new job.

A woman believes that her ex-boyfriend, who she suspects has been watching her, stole her purse from her vehicle. On the night her bag went missing, she received a message from her ex shortly after her current boyfriend left her home, saying, “It’s cool. I know he meant more to u than I did,” according to an incident report.

A man suspects that his home was vandalized by the mother of his children. The momma drama began after the man returned from the laundromat one evening to find a broken lamp and mirror, blinds ripped from the wall, his clothes scattered across the grass in the backyard, pink wax poured on the bedroom wall, and his bird cage in disarray.

A man’s vehicle became stuck in the mud after he was out “having a beer in the woods,” according to an incident report. While heading back to a main road, the man came across a construction site. It was at this time that he stole an excavator from the site with the intention of using it to free his trapped vehicle. Using a “universal key” from his days as a repo driver, the man took the excavator, but eventually returned it to the site the following afternoon. According to the construction company, the total loss of value and damage resulting from the man’s joyride was estimated at $60,000.

A man called police to report that his roommate was attempting to break into their apartment. In an attempt to evict his roomie, the man had placed all of his flatmate’s belongings outside. While the officers were informing the man of the proper procedure for eviction, his roommate shouted, “I’m gonna beat your ass when they [the police] leave here, dawg,” according to an incident report. It was at this point that the roommate was taken into custody. Not cool, dawg. Not cool.

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