Blotter o’ the Week: Police were called to a public park regarding reports of a man dressed in all black swinging a shovel at another man who was not wearing a shirt.

An employee at a downtown convenience store was mixing toilet cleaner with bleach when she began to feel sick and had to leave the room. The woman’s manager then attempted to empty the mop bucket of chemicals when she too began to feel unwell and rushed outside to vomit. Emergency personnel arrived on the scene and advised the manager that the noxious gas had made its way into the air vents and was being spread throughout the store.

An officer on patrol came across two individuals shouting at each other on the street and soon noticed that one of the men was holding a large machete — or a small sword, depending on how you look at it. The man quickly dropped the weapon and laid down on the ground following orders from the officer. When asked what had started the argument, the man said he was just trying to get his bicycle back. Unfortunately, the Rambo wannabe had misjudged the situation and it was discovered that the bike did not belong to him.

A driver was pulled over for blaring his car stereo late one night as he drove through a residential neighborhood. He finally turned down his music once he began speaking with an officer, but soon returned the stereo to its original volume when the officer walked back to his patrol car to run the license.

A woman hanging out at a bus stop decided to spend the day shouting at anyone who crossed her path. At one point, a good Samaritan from a nearby church attempted to check on the brash bus stop bellower and was told, “Fuck off, church lady.” Later, after an officer addressed the woman as “ma’am,” she replied, “Don’t call me ma’am. I’m fat and ugly” before she was eventually taken in for a medical evaluation.

A man wearing a T-shirt with the word “POLICE” written on it was told to remove his clothing by an angry bar patron, who later told police that he was a military police officer “looking out” for the local police. When asked where he was staying, the man could not remember. An officer attempted to get the answer from the man’s girlfriend, but she was reportedly too intoxicated to comprehend the situation.

A woman visiting her son flagged down police to report that she had found a glass jar containing marijuana. The doting mother refused to reveal her son’s identity, asking only that the marijuana be destroyed.

A man brandishing a plastic toy rifle in the middle of a public park began to concern several passersby, and officers were forced to take the weapon from the man and put him in time-out.

A man wearing a white hockey mask punched a security camera outside of a building late one night. Surprisingly, the incident did not occur on Friday the 13th.

A couple believes someone broke into their garage and stole several items, including Christmas lights, a golf club, and tools. Left inside the garage on a workbench, police discovered a mysterious leather diary that the couple had never seen before.

A woman returned home to see her ex-boyfriend walking away as he smiled at her. Inside the woman’s home, police found large amounts of water pouring from the ceiling, the refrigerator and stove knocked over, and all the televisions busted.

Police in search for a shirtless intoxicated man stumbling down the street came upon an individual matching the description except for his shirt, which was on inside out and backwards.

A woman who usually leaves her front door unlocked when she walks down the street to a nearby store returned home to find her microwave replaced by another “old, broken microwave.”

Police noticed as a young man dressed in a purple Globo Gym Purple Cobras uniform was turned away from a bar. The Dodgeball drinker was unable to duck, dip, dive, and dodge officers who soon questioned him about his fake ID.

A recently fired sushi chef called police, saying he was owed $110,000 in wages. An officer spoke with the man’s former manager who stated that the rowdy raw fish wrangler was fired after coming to work while intoxicated. The ex-employee refused to leave the store and was then arrested, according to an incident report.

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