Blotter o’ the Week: In another chapter of the age-old struggle, a mail carrier bent down to pet a puppy who was resting on a porch when an older dog ran up and bit him on the right leg.

A hairdresser was styling a woman’s hair when they heard a loud crashing sound outside of the salon. The women raced outside to find a suspect removing a purse from a vehicle with a shattered window. The women told police that the thief attempted to escape on a bicycle but repeatedly fell before finally leaving the purse behind. Maybe next time, the suspect should use training wheels when attempting a clean getaway.

An intoxicated woman nearly made it home without another problem after having been warned by the police to call it a night, but her cab driver soon noticed that the woman had passed out in his backseat and he decided to call an officer to retrieve her.

A couple returned home to find that someone had broken into their apartment. While several hats and a pair of sunglasses were found outside of the home, the only thing the couple found missing from inside were the batteries from their TV remote. Apparently, the burglars were just in search of a few fresh AAs to go in the clicker back at their crime den.

An Uber driver finished his shift to discover that a passenger had stolen his credit card from inside his car. A quick check revealed unauthorized charges from that evening at a nearby Waffle House. Officers speaking with restaurant staff discovered that a man matching the description of one of the passengers tried to skip out on his $7 bill for the meal. After being stopped in the parking lot, the man used the driver’s credit card to pay his tab and even left a $20 tip as a means of apology.

A park employee found several discarded sheets of paper with the images of counterfeit $20 bills printed out on them.

Staff members at one salon noticed some suspicious activity with money missing from the safe in the lobby of the business. Officers reviewed surveillance footage that showed a member of the cleaning crew remove envelopes of cash deposited in the salon’s safe and place them in her bra. When questioned by police, the woman said she had simply found the envelops and was holding onto them for safekeeping.

An intoxicated young woman reportedly tried to fight 20 people standing in line at a hot dog cart late one evening. Although to be frank, many of those watching would have relished seeing the woman knocked on her buns.

A man called police after he noticed two couples break into the pool at an apartment complex after hours to drink some

beer and fornicate.

A man who had items stolen from his unlocked car told police that he never locks his car doors because he “does not want a busted out window.”

After arguing about whose boat was faster, one patron at a seaside bar decided to put on a high-speed demonstration, which upset those sitting along the dock. After proudly returning from his one-man speedboat exhibition, another intoxicated bar patron pushed the man in the water, which may have cost him some cool points.

An employee at the City Market called police to complain about a man who allegedly continues to harass tourists and accuse them of being members of the Illuminati, according to an incident report. There is probably more to this case, but all witnesses swore a blood oath to never discuss the man’s allegations.

A woman called police after discovering a mysterious oyster shucker in the bushes outside of her home. It’s always nice to find helpful citizens who know better than to mind their own shucking business.

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