Blotter o’ the week: A woman stole a Nike sweatshirt and a Nike windbreaker from a West Ashley retailer in a crime likely attributed to the post-Kaepernick bump.

A married couple showed up at the apartment of the husband’s boyfriend. They beat him up and stole his cell phone battery. When officers went to the couple’s apartment, the woman claimed that her husband, who walked away yelling that he “does not have time for this,” was actually her cousin.

A West Ashley girl with a history of running away from home has, once again, run away from home.

A man took six grams of pot out of his crotch after admitting to officers, “Yeah. I have a little bit of weed in my drawers.”

When a West Ashley man looked through his peep hole, another man kicked the door off its hinges, striking him in the head. The assaulted resident then fled to his leasing office, only to come back to $800 worth of missing items.

A man paid for a $1.89 box of Cracker Jack at a James Island supermarket. By asking for change and engaging the cashier in a confusing conversation, he somehow walked away with $295 in cash. The swindler has a reputation in stores throughout Charleston and Columbia.

A man walked into a Johns Island thrift store and stood next to a bike. He apologized to a store employee multiple times. When she asked why he was so sorry, he replied, “This is my bike,” picked it up, and ran outside.

In the weirdest non-drag race ever, a man in a box truck tried to pass a garbage truck on Johns Island. After hitting the side step of the garbage truck, the box truck driver asked, “Can we just keep this between us?”

A man threatened a Johns Island gas station clerk as he walked out of the store with a 24-pack of Corona.

A man told an officer, “my legs don’t work,” while he was being taken into county jail. He then made his body limp and refused to walk to the booking area. Because of this, he was transported to MUSC and handed a citation instead.

A man who one can only assume has had enough of this shit told an officer, “It’s just some weed, y’all can take it.”

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