Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter of the Week: A West Ashley woman suspected of drunk driving after crashing her car refused to open her mouth for a Breathalyzer test. Have the officers thought about making airplane noises with their mouths? We hear it’s effective.

Two baggies of marijuana totaling 107 grams were found stashed behind the wheel of an ice cream truck parked in West Ashley. We can only imagine what was on that ice cream man’s secret menu, though the products may not have been very tasty.

In a confusing attempt to avoid arrest after police found what they suspected was cocaine, a downtown man told officers it was actually cement powder, and that if they let him snort it all, he would prove it.

A valet for a downtown hotel told officers that a strange woman approached him and requested a free car, and when he refused, she bit him. (There were a lot of adults acting startlingly like children in this week’s reports.)

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