UPDATE: BurgerFi has closed.
[content-1]In today’s veggie burger arms race, it’s not about how many beans you can pack into a patty or how legit its grill marks look. No, what consumers apparently really want is for their plant-based burgers to ooze blood like they were just ripped from the side of cow. Great news, while science has yet to find a cure for cancer or determine if there is intelligent life on other planets, they’ve nailed the bloody veggie burger issue.
Even better? Now you can eat one in Charleston.
Beginning Monday, Bloody Monday Sept. 4, Mt. Pleasant’s BurgerFi will debut (735 Coleman Blvd. #120) The Beyond Burger — not to be confused with first blood, Bill-Gates-backed competitor, Impossible Burger.
“Packed with 20 grams of protein, the all-natural, plant-based burger literally ‘bleeds’ beet juice and is free of GMOs, soy, and gluten,” reads a press release. “The Beyond Burger … satisfies so much like its beefy burger counterpart, it’s being sold in the meat section of major grocery stores including Whole Foods nationwide.”
For the hot and ready version, The Beyond Burger (which is pea-based) will be served at BurgerFi as a single patty, topped with pickles, onions, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, and American cheese. If you want to make it entirely veggie, a vegan cheese option will also be available.
Now, to set the record straight, an actual beef patty doesn’t really bleed, or, at least, it shouldn’t. According to mythmeatcrushers.com, the reddish liquid that oozes from meat when cooked is actually water-soluble myoglobin.
“Meat is typically 75 percent water, which contributes to the juiciness of cooked meats. The proteins in a steak are like a sponge that holds the water. As meat ages and is handled or cut, proteins lose their ability to hold onto water. Over time, some water is released and myoglobin flows out with it, giving the liquid a red or pink color,” the site explains.
Which is to say, this entire bloody veggie burger movement is a lie. What Americans really want is is a myoglobin-oozing veg patty. But truth in advertising has never been fast food’s forte.
In the meantime, get your food science fiction fix next week. [location-1]