I like a nice set of gams as much as the next straight guy.
And a pat-ready can.
And side boob. (Seriously, don’t even get me talking about side boob.)
But even I’ve got to say enough’s enough, at least when it comes to the Huffington Post.
Look, I know that HuffPo exists for one purpose only — to give Arianna Huffington a soapbox on which to wax poetic about the perils of not getting enough sleep and the singular joys of divorce and eating your veggies, so I don’t expect too much out of it.
Maybe it’s because I’ve got daughters and they’re starting to grow into little girls and I’m becoming more and more protective and now, all of a sudden, these kind of things bother me. However, that’s just not the truth. I’m no puritan. But I am a fan of bento boxes.
See, I like things to be compartmentalized. Just as I don’t want my seaweed salad mixing with my sashimi, I don’t want to mix my smut with my daily intake of news. The two should never meet — like photos of Mitch McConnell and a limousine cooter shot slideshow.
Which is why I implore Arianna Huffington and the HuffPo side boob department to cut it out. If you want to get into the pron biz, launch your own Triple X hub. Or better yet, stage a hostile takeover of Reality Kings, one involving ample amounts of baby oil, fluffy pillows, and double-pronged dildos. I’d pay good money to watch that. I’m sure that Arianna is one wild little kitty in the sack.