City Paper received a note from local band Dante’s Camaro today: [image-1]
After Push-ups and Coffee this morning, I decided to meander through the latest write-ups, reviews, and fan mail piling up in our in-box. where I came upon the astonishing revelation that we, Dante’s Camaro the greatest Rock & Roll Band in the History of Charleston S.C. were NOT listed in the “Charleston” City Paper’s Band Directory online. I nearly fell off of my throne. While the shock of this massive oversight was bad enough, I was able to compose my self long enough to read on. And I found that chumps like Dangermuffin, As/If, and worst of all Plane Jane were listed in your publication.
I don’t know who you are or what your role in this mishap is, but if you haven’t heard by now let me inform you that WE OWN THIS TOWN ! We are the World Heavy Weight Champion of Rock and Roll, the show stopper and chart topper do you dig it? If there is any journalistic integrity in the bloated advertisement you call a paper. do yourself a favor and correct this unbelievable mistake. A prompt response is requested.
Yours very truly,
We responded today: [image-2]
After drinking three cups of black coffee and anguishing over pages of really cool music section copy this morning, I decided to meander through the latest e-mail messages in my crowded “in” box … where I came upon the astonishing revelation that Dante’s Camaro is even more hostile, douch-y, and childish than anyone in Charleston, S.C. had previously assumed. The band’s exclusion from the “Charleston” City Paper’s Band Directory is precisely due to the fact that we DO know who the fuck you are. There was no oversight. It was a massively intentional move. If Dante’s Camaro played proper cover songs — like Dangermuffin, AS/IF, and Plain Jane always do — we might be interested in listing the band.
I know who you are and what your role in shitty rock music is, so let me inform you that CITY PAPER OWNS THIS TOWN! We are the Iron Sheik and Bret Hart to your pitiful Ric Flair. Since there is almost too much journalistic integrity in this bloated advertisement we call a paper, we will not correct this “mistake,” as no mistake was ever made. Please send two cases of fancy hippie beer to our offices immediately — and send A&E editor John Stoehr a poster of Mozart, too (the poor guy’s still hiding under his desk, shuddering from the emphatic shock of your note).
Yours very truly,
T. Ballard Lesemann
(photos by Badjon Photography)