Blotter O’ The Week:

Two women were arrested for stealing several items from a local department store, including a thong, two pairs of women’s briefs, a Wonderbra, and a winter jacket. We had no idea the Swedish Bikini Team was holding auditions locally.

Four boys “nearly caused a riot” at an area high school after getting into a “vicious and intense” fight. A riot-mongering foursome of teenagers sounds oddly familiar. No word on if they were a mop-headed British rock band going through the same tired argument over Yoko.

A woman reported her pink iPod Nano had been stolen from her car. Retail price for the Nano is $150, but the woman claimed the music player and her car adapter were worth $400. Girl, an exhaustive collection of Lindsey Lohan’s music may be rare, but it’s not valuable.

Three unfortunate confessions in a few minutes:

“I was fudging when I said I had a few drinks, I had three Johnny Walker Blacks,” “Yeah, I saw this coming, I shouldn’t have been driving,” and “I’ll be surprised if I’m not over the limit.”

Three unfortunate threats in a few minutes:

“I have a registered gun,” “I have no problem hitting a girl,” and “You have no idea who my friends are and what they’re capable of.”

Threat O’ The Week: “The only reason why I can’t kill you now is because I don’t want my fingerprints on anything.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.