Versus O’ The Week:

Golf club vs. kitchen knife. Winner: Golf club.

Threat O’ The Week: “I’m coming back to Charleston. One of us will be happy and the other will not.”

Unfortunate Comments To An Officer O’ The Week: “I smoke crack and I have been drinking,” “Yes, officer, I have been drinking and have had too much to drink to drive probably,” and “You don’t have to test it. It’s crack. I promise.”

Eight vehicles were broken into on a James Island street, and all the owners except one reported that nothing was taken. Police found the one bag of tools that had been stolen in a ditch down the street. It’s bad nights like these that can turn a criminal against breaking and entering.

A woman reported last week that she heard noises outside her bedroom window and found a man sitting outside wearing a bandana over his nose and mouth. The police report notes “the victim stated the suspect had something in his hands but was unsure as to what it was.”

A West Ashley store reported that they had received a fake $20 bill. The phony money wasn’t identified until after the customer had left the store, when the manager noticed there was nothing printed on the back. Not even “In Grinch We Trust”?

Retracted Threat O’ The Week: After first telling his ex-girlfriend that “you going to cause me to kill you,” a man then said, “you ain’t worth killing to go to prison.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.