Melee O’ the Week:

A baby shower.

A woman reporting an alleged assault from more than a year ago began speaking incoherently and asked the police officer out on a date. There was a “strong odor of animal fecal matter” in the home, but it’s unclear if that was what led the cop to turn her down.

A James Island restaurant manager complained about a woman who was disrupting lunch. When police arrived, the woman complained that there was a “table of lesbians” that had ruined her meal by “gesturing.” The restaurant manager said the table the woman referred to looked like a bunch of ladies coming from church and they weren’t making gestures.

Exchange O’ The Week: “You know, that’s some bullshit saying it was rape.” “Well, that was some fucked up shit leaving me in the street without any cab money.”

After a fast-food employee informed a drive-thru customer that the restaurant was out of ketchup, the woman got out of her car and threw her fruit punch through the window, damaging the employee’s cashmere jacket. When they were talking about sprucing up the uniforms, we thought they were talking about pleats, not cashmere!

Fight O’ The Week: Broom vs. Screwdriver

A man reported his wife had received a letter that seemed to threaten his life. It read, “Shotgun works best for this — what are you waiting for? Number one benefit … you’ll never have to have your husband’s stinking balls on your chin again.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.