Blotter O’ The Week:

A woman told an officer that she had brought an unknown man to her home to go through her closet and take any clothes she didn’t wear anymore. When pressed for details on any crime, the woman then refused to elaborate, saying that “if she had a monkey swinging from the chandelier, nobody should have a problem with that.” She then asked the officer to promise to promote another neighborhood cop who she said had helped her out. She said she wanted him to move in with her because, “he is a good kid that has been steered wrong, but she could correct him.”

Fight O’ The Week:

Two sisters, one named after an ’80s pop singer, arguing over a MySpace account.

Odd Perp Description O’ The Week:

Almond shaped eyes.

Two women reported threats made by their roommate and her father, an attorney, who said he would make their lives miserable — after all, that is his job.

Bad Move O’ The Week:

It may be okay to slam a door in an officer’s face. It’s not okay to actually hit the officer in the face when you slam the door.

A complaint regarding an unpaid bar tab was filed under “Defrauding an Inn Keeper.” Surprisingly, the bill had been calculated in dollars instead of doubloons.

A man tried to open the door of a passing car at closing time downtown. When asked by officers why he tried to get in the car, the man said he was “looking for his dog.” We’re not experts on the lingo, but we’ll guess he’s talking about his buddies and not his beagle.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.