Blotter O’ The Week:

A teacher was surprised when what she thought was a note being passed between classmates turned out to be a bag of weed. Puff, puff, pass to the left, man.

After successfully completing three DUI tests, a woman told officers, “I couldn’t do this if I hadn’t had three wines.” She then began crying and asked why the officer was doing this to her. Would you like some cheese to go with that whine? 

Drug Perp Plea To Cop O’ The Week: “I’ll buy you more! I can get you more!”

A woman was heading to a friend’s house, when she avoided a call from a man she knew. When she got to the house, she saw the man’s car “going backwards very fast.” The guy got out and poured beer on her and her car. She fled into the house, and he proceeded to jump up and down on her hood for 15 minutes before police arrived. Britney Spears is in talks to translate the woman’s insurance claim in the next Geico commercial.

A woman told police that she’d received several text messages from an unknown person, including: “You can’t see me.” “The police can’t do anything.” “Be smart, not brave.” “I watch you every day through a 956 sniper that would put a hole bigger than a car tire.” “Your life is mine. I’m takin’ it.”

Bad Week To Climb The Corporate Ladder: “I’m going to kill someone. I need to see a manager.”

Parental Threat O’ The Week: Dad calls daughter to say, “I’m going to show you what a real man is. I’m going to kill you.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.