Blotter O’ The Week:

After officers and EMS suggested a man go to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, he yelled, “I am your superior,” “I am a general,” and “You can’t touch me and I don’t have to put out my cigarette.” He apparently forgot, “You can’t handle the truth!”

Cheesy Engraving On A Pilfered iPod O’ The Week:
“Happy Wife, Happy Life.”

A man arrested for shoplifting gave officers a fake name and a fake date of birth that would have made him one month older than he actually was. If we’re ever arrested, the fake age is going down. Way down.

Odd Theft O’ The Week:
Three soda fountain cups and a ball cap with a fast-food restaurant logo. There are people who get paid to be there who don’t want that crap.

A water service truck malfunctioned coming off Daniel Island, dumping processed sewage onto the roadway. We’re not sure what “processed” means, but we recommend washing your tires from a safe distance.

Threat O’ The Week:
“If you don’t stay on the phone with me, I’ll kill you.”

Police were called out to a local golf course where someone had spray painted “obscene” things on hole No. 7 and “defecated” in the hole. Sure, Tiger Woods is a role model, but so is Johnny Knoxville.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.