Blotter O’ The Week:

A local Buddhist was causing a disturbance and giving strange answers to police, telling officers that he had been dropped off in Charleston by a flying saucer. They then noticed his uninsured 1981 black motorcycle and told him it was going to be towed. The man pushed the bike over and said, “Fine, then you can fucking pick it up!”

Theft O’ The Week: Three U-Hauls.

A downtown woman received a call from a man who claimed he was offering her a free cell phone. When she said she didn’t want the product he said, “I’m going to come by your house and do something.” The woman asked, “To do what, bring me a free cell phone?” “No,” he told her. “To do something.”

A woman entered a downtown pizza place and ordered some food. When the employee turned around to check on her order, the woman took the tip jar and its $80. Employees chased her on foot all the way to her home where she turned around and threw the empty jar at them. When police arrived, the man who answered the door had $80 in small bills in his pocket. Apparently Tipping is not a place in Charleston, either.

Drunk O’ The Week: “A,B,C,D,U,S,Y,N,Z.”

Plastic Ring Windfall O’ The Week: $50 worth of Chuck E. Cheese tickets were stolen and used to get unknown prizes.

A West Ashley man was pulled over for changing lanes without using a turn signal and for having extremely loud music. When officers approached the driver, he asked, “Why did you motherfuckers pull me over?” Ridin’ dirty, indeed.

A West Ashley woman and her friends were drinking at a party when she went upstairs to lie down because she felt sick. A man ran into the room where she was resting with his pants down and grabbed his penis and shook it in her face.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.