Blotter O’ The Week:

When police asked a man why he was lying in the middle of the street with a bottle of Seagrams Dry Gin, he told them, “Because I’m fucking Barack Obama, bitch!”

Weapon O’ The Week: Miller High Life bottle.

Security video at a peninsula gas station allegedly shows a man trying to hide a pastry up the front of his shirt, then up the back of his shirt, then giving up and shoving it in his jacket pocket. Silly rabbit, pastries are for paying customers.

Evidence O’ The Week: Coffee table book titled, Marijuana Growers’ Guide.

Police were called to a local high school due to bomb threats scrawled on the walls of the boys’ room. Between the first vandalism in late February and the latest one last week, the alleged date the school would blow up moved up five days. Considering the first date was on a Saturday, we’d start the investigation with the students who just learned the days of the week.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.