Blotter O’ The Week:

Two Market Street vendors got in a fistfight over how they are supposed to dispose of their trash. It’s unknown whether they were arguing over souvenir T-shirts, seashell jewelry, or actual trash.

Text Threat O’ the Week:

“Call ya boy and get diapers! You ain’t getting nothing from me! You need a bullet in ya head, coke ho!”

Officers observed a man suspected of being drunk in public sitting on a curb drinking a 24-ounce Hurricane. Upon approaching the man, officers observed he had urinated about 20 of those ounces on himself.

Two men trespassing on a West Ashley property were told to leave, to which one allegedly responded, “This isn’t Iraq. I’m not going to shoot you with an AK-47.” As they were leaving the property, the chatty trespasser also allegedly said, “I’m not going to blow up your house.” Notice that he did not rule out an IED by the driveway.

Stolen Item O’ the Week:

Pink bike with pink rims and a straw basket.

A man’s car was robbed of his valuables, including Taylor Made golf clubs ($1,120), $300 in cash, an iPod and an iPhone ($600), North Face jacket ($150), and a navy blue blazer ($400). We’re guessing the boat shoes were locked in the glove box.

Weapon O’ the Week:

The blunt end of an aerosol can.

A downtown bartender pulled over for suspected DUI told officers that she wasn’t drunk. “I had five drinks with some friends. But that was around 7 p.m. I think the issue is that I haven’t ate since four o’clock.” Yeah, that could be it … but you’re probably still drunk.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.