Stolen Item O’ The Week:

Ten bottles of shampoo.

Officers responded to a traffic collision to find one driver asleep and wearing sunglasses. When they finally woke him up, he was confused and fumbled around for his wallet and registration, dropping his papers twice. When police asked the man if he’d had anything to drink, he said, “Too much.”

DUI Alphabet Recital O’ the Week:

“ABCDEFGLHIJMKL. Is that it?” Um, no.

A woman told police that she’d offered a homeless man $20 and let him sleep on her couch. Later that night, she heard a noise in the kitchen and found the man heading out the back door with her microwave. No food. No house. Microwave? Check.

After a man accidentally hit a car backing out of a parking space, the other driver got out and yelled, “Are you going to hit me just like that?” He then turned to his passenger and said, “Give me that pistol. I’ll take him out right now!” No one was hurt — but we’re pretty sure the guy who caused the accident wet his pants.

Text Threat O’ The Week:

“T Money and OG got you! You know what I mean.” No, we have no idea what you mean.

A man sentenced to community service at the local Habitat for Humanity ReStore was caught driving off with the store’s Suzuki lawnmower.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.