Weapon O’ The Week:

Gas Grill

An undercover officer was posing as a prostitute when a man offered her $15 for oral sex and sex. Hell, if it was that cheap we’d all be in jail by now.

Misapplied Five-Second-Rule O’ the Week: A suicidal man told nurses that he took an unknown amount of a “medicine” he found on a downtown sidewalk.

Police arrived at the scene of an assault to find several players from an out-of-town minor league baseball team allegedly attempting to take an eight-ball. The players escaped only to be caught in a nearby yard saying things like, “Did you see me uppercut that kid?” “Did you see him run down the road?” and “I punched his windshield, but it didn’t break.” What happened to the volatile ball players who just got their kicks out of sleeping with underage country music D-listers?

First Grade Pursuit O’ The Week: Two young men with duct tape in hand were being pursued after police had found strips of tape on the street the night before. The tape apparently makes a “funny noise” when cars drive over it. One suspect tried to hide behind a tree. After the two were apprehended, they claimed they were taking the tape to a friend.

A downtown man was attempting to conceal 10 stolen DVDs in a backpack when officers found him. Moments later they discovered his prize possession stuffed down his pants: a copy of Big Shot’s Funeral, the story of two men who find that their friendship and spiritual connection transcends the language barrier.

Foam-Filled Evidence Room Doorstop O’ the Week: Officers investigating a single-vehicle accident found a half-empty Heineken keg in the back seat. That’s certainly not going home with anyone at the end of the shift.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.