O’ The Week:

In what appears to be a Coors Light commercial gone bad, a man charged with DUI told officers that he’d had six Coors Light cans while golfing that morning, then went out on a boat and had another one. He went home and had two Coors Lights, and was then off to a Folly Beach dive bar for two more. The final stop was another Folly Beach bar for “three or four Coors Lights” and then a night in the drunk tank.

A woman reported her car stolen via a valet key left in the center console. Among the items left in the car: a crock pot. Well, we know what somebody got for Father’s Day.

DUI O’ The Week: “I admit I’m a little woozy.”

An unknown vandal spray-painted a woman’s car with the words, “I rape little girls,” “I love cocaine,” and “bitch.” After speaking with neighbors, the woman thinks that it was a case of mistaken identity, because the neighbors had a friend staying with them that had a similar car.

A 31-year-old man reported that his piggy bank had been stolen. He would have caught the perp, but his footies slid too much on the floor and mom turned off the night light.

Excuse O’ The Week: “I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just going to my friend’s house. I mean I’m going to my car, or I’m just going for a jog.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.