Blotter O’ The Week:

A James Island man reported that he found a dead fish lying in his driveway. The man noted that his former business partner is Sicilian and he’s worried the fish may have been a mafia-style warning.

Question O’ the Week: “Why do you white cops always act like a bunch of fucking niggers?”

A woman reported she was being propositioned for sex via text message from a man claiming that he got her number from his girlfriend’s cell phone. Finally! A plot line not explored in Sex and the City.

A downtown bartender was assaulted recently. She was trying to escort a woman out of the bar when the woman threw a glass at her face. The extent of the party foul is based entirely on the type of glass, which was not noted in the report. Martini glass? A three. A shot glass? Six. Highball? Solid 10.

Lottery Winner O’ The Week: A woman found $295 lying in the grass near a sidewalk downtown.

Versus O’ The Week: Machete vs. kitchen knife. Guess who won.

A homeowner told police he’d found a manhole cover on his front steps that someone had apparently thrown at his door, putting a hole in it and damaging a hinge. Hulk smash!

Stolen Items O’ The Week: A bottle of ginger ale, vintage Penthouse magazines, and a Daytona Beach T-shirt.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.