A police officer called for backup recently after seeing a man walking down the street in combat boots holding an MP5 submachine gun. After backup arrived, officers approached the man with guns raised, only to learn the man was filming a movie for school. The assumed weapon was actually just a water gun.

Drunk O’ the Week: “I have been drinking all night, and then tonight became this morning.”

Honorable Mention Drunk
O’ the Week: “I was just going to Taco Bell for drunk munchies and then there you guys were.” 

A man called a local doctor’s office, telling the receptionist that he was sitting in his car outside and his wife was “jacking him off.” It’s unclear what the man’s medical condition was. Maybe he was looking for the sperm bank.

A couple’s argument was interrupted when their barbecue grill was thrown through their window. The couple had no idea who committed the crime. Maybe it was a neighbor who couldn’t hear the All-Star game over the couple’s bickering.

Drug Hiding Spot O’ the Week: Wrapped inside a $5 bill.

A drunken woman told an officer who was responding to a noise violation, “So you’re just here to make friends huh? Fuck you, I’m calling the real police.” We’re guessing she thought the officer was a male stripper, rather than the “long arm of the law” familiar with the state’s “penal code.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.