Stolen Item O’ The Week:

A “Bible bag”

A man denied cigarettes because he didn’t have an ID told an attendant, “I will come back with my gun and shoot you.” You know what they say, cigarettes kill, but a nicotine fit kills faster.

Threat O’ the Week: “I’ll kick your punk cop ass!”

A disgruntled man, upset that the police broke up his party, told officers, “I hope you know my buddy has that shit on tape! Why don’t you marinate on that shit motherfuckers?” As Emeril would say, “Bam!”

Two brothers who let a homeless man live with them for two weeks were surprised when they returned to find that $300 and a $2,000 laptop had been stolen. Yeah, and Anna Nicole Smith married that old guy for his personality.

When a man was pulled over for drunk driving, the officer asked if he had a driver’s license, to which the man replied, “Yes, under the state of South Carolina.” When the officer noticed the man was barefoot, he asked him where his shoes were. The man responded, “Under the state of South Carolina.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.