The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Police were called in to restrain an eighth-grade girl at a local middle school on Jan. 20 after she refused to settle down during an exam, yelled obscenities, and told the assistant principal that she would “do him in.” Good lord, what kind of exam was it, gynecological?

A 30-year-old male entered Charleston Police Department headquarters during the early morning hours of Jan. 22, frantically yelling at officers behind the front desk, “They’re after me!” He then entered a restricted room, pushed the officers attempting to control him, and claimed that he had been “speedballing all night.” Do the police even have to try anymore?

Best use of NWA Lyrics O’The Week:

A man ticketed for recklessly driving a small motorbike in the Ardmore neighborhood on Jan. 20, tore the citations into tiny pieces, threw them on the ground, and yelled, “Fuck the police!” Quick history lesson, bud: AIDS killed Eazy E, not tickets.

On Jan. 24, cops approached a man involved in an argument at a Savannah Highway motel, who placed his hands deep into his pants as an officer moved closer. One gram of what appeared to be cocaine was found in the man’s pant leg. Hands in pants? Cocaine? Motel? Sounds like a City Paper party.