Blotter o’ the week: An Ansonborough man ordered an authentic Jimmy Lile Rambo knife for $1,400 online only to have the package swiped from his driveway.

A man tried to fight bouncers at a downtown Mediterranean restaurant. When officers got there, they found him standing in the middle of the street, pounding his chest and screaming. Not looking to redeem himself, he called the officer escorting him to jail a “dumb bitch” and told her to “suck his cock.”

After admittedly “drinking and smoking crack all night long,” a man approached two women who later told an officer that he flashed them and asked for sexual favors.

A downtown gas station employee took $97 from the cash register and $158 worth of cigarettes before leaving a resignation letter saying, “Please don’t call me … I quit and expect to get paid on time. You are being monitored.”

A woman snuck five bottles of vanilla extract into the bathroom of a Johns Island grocery shop. “The reason why I drank the vanilla is because it’s high in alcohol concentration,” she told an officer. “I was looking for a quick buzz.” Her credit card was declined when she tried to pay the $42.84 she owed for the creative libations and a bottle of water.

After being dispersed following a small-time drug deal near Sheppard and Hanover streets, one of the men took the opportunity to let the officer know, “That guy there has ripped me off before.”

A man didn’t realize he was driving without a license plate until someone flagged him down in the middle of the street. Turns out his roommate had been periodically borrowing it without permission after having his own plate taken away by the DMV.

A man stole $347 worth of deodorant from a downtown drug store. When confronted by an employee, he replied “fuck you” and bolted out of the door.

The manager of a Daniel Island gas station saw surveillance footage of a man going into the store’s office and shoving an entire carton of Newports down his pants.

When confronted by an officer about his beverage, a man drinking on a bench outside of a downtown magnet school at 7 a.m. “advised it was only tea, and than [sic] later stated he is an alcoholic.”

A man tried to get out of his arrest by offering to rat someone else out, saying he can make the officer “a name in the paper.” Too bad we don’t print officer names on the Blotter.

Three or four kids ran at the sight of a police officer patrolling the area near the Charleston Place Hotel for “panhandlers and loiterers disturbing their guests and customers.” The kids dropped “several palmetto roses” in the process, and one even left his bicycle behind.