Blotter O’ The Week:

Responding to reports of a man thrown out of a Charleston area strip club, officers found him curled up in front of the closed strip club across the street. What are the odds that this story started with his woman kicking him out of the house in the first place?

Asked why she was driving so fast, a woman told officers it was because she was texting her boyfriend. OMG! UR SKR-UD!

People sitting in a hospital waiting room told police they overheard a man say that he wanted a bed on the fourth floor or he was going to start shooting people with a gun from his truck, even though he arrived in a cab. You know, we save up our ridiculous threats for long lines at public bathrooms.

Operators of a concession stand reported a theft of nearly $1,000 in product, most of it candy bars. We’d canvass the neighborhood for the kid who isn’t dressing up for Halloween.

Bikes Stolen This Week: Eight

Threat O’ The Week: “I want you to call the police … If I get locked up, when I get out, I’m gonna kill your ass.”

With two reports this week of food thrown on cars — one involved a hard-boiled egg and the other a box of Chinese food — we’re starting to think those bug catchers on the grill should be marketed as bibs.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.