Items Stolen This Week: Six GPS units, four iPods, four bikes,
and two laptops

A woman reporting a car stolen claimed there were numerous “personal items” in the car, but refused to expound further on what those items were. We could take this one in any direction, but we’re going to go with a blow up doll … for the carpool lane, of course.

Officers trying to deliver warrants last week discovered the two men they were looking for were already being held at the detention center. Worth every penny, guys. Really.

Threat O’ The Week: “I am going to kill you, and you will be going to see Jesus. Stop fucking my husband. You better take heed.”

Mood Music Spoiler O’ The Week: A woman woke up after taking a guy home last week to find he left … with her iPod.

A James Island man reported that his shotgun had been stolen from his front porch. We’d check the alibi of the last boy who wanted to date his daughter.

Drunkenness was allegedly to blame when a man accidentally walked into the wrong apartment and got in bed with a woman he thought was his wife. Guys, you’ve got better odds at getting a federal bailout than actually getting away with this excuse.