The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

In the wee hours of Feb. 12, a cop responding to a loud party on Smith Street entered the backyard and asked to see the I.D. of a CofC student holding a beer, who immediately became combative. The student hit the officer in the chest and was detained. While cuffing the man, a female partygoer slapped the cop. Madness ensued. By the time this fiasco was over, three males and two females were involved and the officer ended up with a broken wrist. Who do these kids think they are, tennis players? Go Cougs!

A Summerville woman told police on Feb. 9 that it had been two days since one of her female employees had shown up for work. Cops went to the employee’s house, which had been ransacked. They found empty Kahlua and Bailey’s bottles and piles of clothing on the floor. Eventually, the woman was located, but seemed out of touch with reality. “Let’s go to Florida tonight and get some sun,” she told police. “Does Florida even have sun?” Her employer mentioned that this woman was bipolar. Considering her erratic behavior and apparent self-medicating with alcohol, who could have ever guessed?

Blotter Misspell-ings O’The Week:
“lundry basket,” “veiwing,” “satated.”

Two men entered an Upper King Street men’s store on Feb. 11 and asked for free cologne samples. While an employee bent behind the counter to grab the samples, one man grabbed a $110 umbrella and $1,000 worth of ties. The other man left without his cologne samples. Be on the lookout for two well-dressed, stinky thieves.

On Feb. 12, a woman took three Heinekens and a pack of M&Ms from a Meeting Street convenience store by squirreling the items away in her overcoat. Police should not, we repeat, should not be on the lookout for Star Jones, ’cause that bitch would have stole a cake, too. (Don’t think Jones won’t relapse on her diet after marrying that gay dude.)