BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A portable toilet fell off a transport truck on Interstate 26 hitting a woman’s car and causing $250 in damage. We’re never calling our car a piece of shit again.

Found Property O’ The Week: Two tambourines, a microphone, and a cowbell.

A co-owner in a downtown restaurant showed up at the police station with bruises and small cuts on his arms. His business partners, who were later charged with simple assault, were found at the restaurant, along with “various broken chairs, dishes, glass, and eating utensils” strewn about the room and a Louisville Slugger baseball bat sitting by the entrance. So ends another argument over the Mets vs. the Yankees.

Items Stolen This Week: Six laptops, two bikes, an iPod, and three GPS units

A man repeatedly claimed that an unknown person had tried to kill him. The man was very paranoid and police could not determine who he was speaking about. Officers frisked his girlfriend, who had phoned police for her man, and found a 14 inch cutting knife and two box cutters. When asked what she needed the blades for, she allegedly told officers, “A girl needs protection nowadays.”

During the roadside test, a woman suspected of DUI told officers, “This is getting kind of long.” As they were escorting her to the police car, she asked whether a friend could just drive her home. To complete her awkward arrest, the woman asked at the detention center, “Would it help me at all if I know a North Charleston officer?”

Subtle Police Report O’ The Week: “A verbal argument … quickly became physical because both female subjects are presently sharing the same male friend.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.