Illustration by Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between April 1 and April 7.

Blotter of the Week
Police received an anonymous email containing video footage of a number of different people breaking into various vehicles parked around downtown, complete with a list of names. We’re formally calling dibs on naming Charleston’s new vigilante crime fighter.

Runners Up
Summertime is here, Charleston. We know that because the first entry we found in this week’s reports described a man sipping from an open can of lemonade-flavored Bud Light Seltzer on a downtown sidewalk. 

A James Island man pulled over for suspected driving under the influence identified himself to officers as the 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump. Now, while we would all have loved to see that traffic stop, police noted the man was, in fact, not former President Donald J. Trump.

A West Ashley woman cheerfully said she was “probably a 10” on scale of 1-10 for how drunk she was. Not so cheerful for her, she had just been pulled over. 

Turns out our favorite burglarizing builder was playing the long game when it came to flooring, as police received a report of a West Ashley man embezzling more than $12,000 worth of hardwood flooring from a local business. At least they have good taste.

A West Ashley woman’s car was struck by another in the parking lot of a West Ashley clothing store, and the other vehicle continued driving around the parking lot, apparently looking for a space. Go easy on them, officers, those parking lots are nuts.

A man reported to officers that his significant other physically assaulted him, but he didn’t want her to get in trouble because “bitches be crazy.” Police were reasonably unsure of how they should proceed.

It seems the coronavirus pandemic may really be cooling down now that vaccinations are well underway, if the number of police reports and general oddity of them is any indication.

Roughly $8,000 was stolen from a downtown man’s secret stash, which he told police was behind his TV. We aren’t sure how large the TV is, but that can’t be that great of a “secret stash.”

A downtown man flagged down officers to tell them his car had been broken into, but nothing was taken because he doesn’t keep anything of value in his car when unattended. There he is, Charleston, your new role model.