The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

On April 23, a woman standing on Market Street noticed a man coughing violently and asked if he needed help. In return for her concern, the man grabbed her breast and pulled her tank top down. When she confronted the man about the indiscretion, he yelled, “Get the fuck out of my face.” The man was later described by police as “overtly and grossly intoxicated.” Not to mention smoooooth with the ladies.

On April 22, a King Street church worker spotted two preteens defacing a church bus with black and white spray-paint. Their graffiti read “DARUM R.S.K.D.A.” and “B.I.G. Fuck.” Well, it’s like the parable says: idle hands, acronyms, and spray-paint are the Devil’s workshop.

Blotter Misspelling O’the Week: “hand-jestures”

Last week, a Folly Road grocery store clerk was sweeping the stock room when another man came in and attacked him from behind. The foodie fighter punched the clerk in the chest and head and pushed him to the floor. The clerk refused to fight back, but the melee continued into the main grocery floor, where a witness subdued the attacker. Clean-up on aisle whoop-ass.

On April 21, a 48-year-old woman complained to police about the 11 threatening messages her husband left on her cellphone one night. The threats included: “I will kick your fucking door in,” “I’m going to slam you,” and “You better beware.” She saved the messages on her phone so she can listen to them at night — you know, in case she gets lonely.