The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Blotter Questionable Grammar O’ The Week: “Strucked the victim”

A man was detained on August 28 in a James Island grocery store after he went into the bathroom and concealed two packages of steaks, worth $34, in the front of his pants. What’s Iron Chef’s secret marinade? Ball sweat?

On August 28, an unknown man entered a downtown funeral home and took three sets of keys from a table in an office. Two sets of keys were for cars in the parking lot, and the third held keys to open every door in the funeral home, as well as the building’s gate. Perhaps he’s a member of the “Stuff for Stiffs” Organization?

Blotter Threat O’ The Week: “I’m going to burn your car with all your clothes in it if you don’t give me $450.”

Also on August 28, a man threw a fit in a Meeting Street fast food restaurant when the cashier wouldn’t give him an order of jalapeño poppers for free. When she informed him he’d have to pay for the food, he picked up a yellow Caution: Wet Floor sign and hit her twice with it across the left side of her face. Ninja Master says, “Use any weapons available to defeat thine enemy.”

A transient couple was hanging out in a downtown park on August 29 when the boyfriend got angry that his lady was wearing shoes given to her by another man. He hit her on her head and arms, then reached down and cut her ankle with a box-cutter.